You know, I just wasted about 3 minutes watching a video of people watching their phones. It was created to make us all feel guilty about the amount of time that we spend online. And it worked. But, as I laid in bed, trying to sleep, I felt this blog boiling in me that I will share with you.
I can promise you. If there is anyone on the planet that hates technology, it is me. And, I married an engineer. I suppose if I hadn't, I'd be typing this on a typewriter or word processor and taking it to Kinko's to make copies and pass it around, via the U.S. Postal service. When digital photography came out, I was mad. It seemed like cheating, and it a lot of ways it is. I wanted to preserve the craft of photography for "real photographers". I've been rethinking that as I wandered my way through this blog in my brain. Technology has made pretty good photography (to almost anyone with an iphone and a brain) available, and given many the opportunity to explore the art that wouldn't have been able to otherwise. My kids have no concept of film. I shot my film camera one day, and my son was behind me taking digital photos with my phone. And some of his shots were pretty darn good.
He was proud. (And I have yet to develop that film canister)
I agree that your children and your spouse, when they need you, should have your undivided attention. How often does that happen? When I started residency, when you were on call (before the wussy work hour restriction rules) you stayed at the hospital. From 0600 Friday until 1700 Monday. We couldn't text. We couldn't remotely check labs, or watch a fetal heart monitor. Most of the residents had one cell phone per family. Sometimes it wasn't your lucky day to have one. So, as long as you could get to a land line (read: pay phone) you could venture out. Over the course of 4 years, we learned the beauty of an alpha numeric text page, which was heaven. Being able to remotely check labs, fetal heart monitoring, and communicate with nursing means that when I'm on call, I'm also at ballet, the baseball fields, violin and anywhere else I need to be. Sometimes that means I'm in the neighbors pool, with my kids. Do I check for texts? YOU BET. Are they all nursing or medically related? Nope. This leads me to my next point.
Texting and widespread cell phone use also means that you can communicate with your long distance family in Ohio, and New York, and Tulsa, from your neighbors pool. When I was in college, we sent letters. They took days to get to the destination. Now, when Jonsey learned to swim, I sent off a little video. And, I'm not ashamed to say it. My kids psyche is hardly damaged over this. It also means that my kids can text Grandmas and Aunts and Uncles with their news of the day. It also means when my husband is gonna be 2 hrs late getting home, he can shoot me a quick text from the middle of an oilfield. In the past, I would have been pacing and calling ER's to check and see if he was alive. It means we can coordinate schedules so that we can all be together.
There is a part of that video where it is inferred that you shut off your phone and take nature in. How about you video that pleasant beach with the birds chirping and sun setting so you can see it whenever you want? It does not mean that you are any less there. I did that last year and posted it on Facebook while I was in Sag Harbor, NY. It got about 50 hits in a day. It means you can bring others there with you. Then turn it on vibrate, stick it in your back pocket and enjoy the scenery.
Which leads me to my final point on this subject, connecting with friends on Facebook. When I opened my Facebook account, I did so because I was visiting family and they all had a Facebook. At the time, they were living in Kansas City, MO. We all met many years ago in Warren, Ohio. I saw people on there I hadn't seen in years. Why? It's not because we didn't like each other, there just weren't enough hours to write letters and call to maintain some of those friendships, while making new friends in new cities some 25 years later. It has been a joy and added so much to my life to be able to talk to my childhood friends and share life, as it is now with them. It's wonderful to see their children (many of whom look scaringly like I remember their parents) and view a slice of their lives. When we go "home" there is usually 1 week to see both sides of the family and try to contact a few friends. Now, before I go home this next time, I'm gonna coordinate a way to get together as a small group. This doesn't make me some kind of social deprivate. I would argue that organizing a get together in a town 1200 miles away while sitting at the chick-fil-a while your kids play makes me quite the social butterfly. Could I talk to the other Mothers there? Of course. And I do make small talk with them, while they are texting their best friend in Idaho.
Technology has expanded my circle, which is both good and bad sometimes. It is mostly good, however, because of how I manage my time. And knowing what and who you say/post to. If I was 43 twenty-five years ago. I would have about 2 friends, like my mom, and most of her friends that had about 2-3 friends. That was all you could manage. Did my Mom like a lot of people, sure, but she wasn't going to send out 200 Birthday cards a year, much less 757 of them. I still have, as most of us, a trusted few, but there are a lot more people cheering me on than I ever thought possible. A couple of them I only became friends with because of technology. I have one friend in particular that I got to know while sharing "pleasantries" while coordinating weekly lessons, "pleasantries" turned into extended texts, then into real conversation, and a friendship. I have about 750 people that take 10 seconds to wish me "Happy Birthday", congratulate me on my Wedding anniversary, wish me luck at a new job, and check on me through a devistating tornado. I have found "friends" that I knew in high school that I have more in common with now than I ever did back then, what an unexpected treasure I have found!
Like everything else used in excess, it can be harmful to forming healthy relationships in "real time". It is implied somehow that taking a "selfie" of you and your best friend having a toast makes you not connected to each other because you are using your phones? Some of my funniest moments have been captured (actually me and the kids) taking endless "selfies" and unscripted videos.
I am not ashamed to have an online presence, I can do it while I'm with my kids, my bestie, and my husband. And, I have enough functional brain cells left that I can even keep a coherent conversation with an 10 year old while checking on a laboring patient. Ask him, he'd rather I text than leave the dinner table. Every. Single. Time. I won't put "my phone away for the rest of the day" as the video would ask, but I will use it responsibly, carefully and strive to make myself available to my spouse, family and friends in the best way I know how.
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